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Q: Why are all jokes about blondes so short?
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A: So that blondes can understand them.
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Q: Why did the blond climb over the glass wall?
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A: To see what was on the other side.
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Q: How do you drown a blonde?
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A: Put a scratch-''n-sniff sticker at the bottom of a swimming pool.
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Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
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A: There are millions of ways. One way is to tell her to stand in the corner of a circular room.
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Comeback:
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Q: How does the blond confuse you?
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A: Comes out of the circular room, saying she found the corner.
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Q: Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice?
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A: Because it said ''concentrate'' on it.
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Q: How do you know a blonde''s been using the computer?
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A: There''s White-Out all over the screen.
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Follow-Up:
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Q: How can you tell she came back?
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A: Ink on the White-Out.
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UK Variant
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Q: How do you know a blonde''s been using the computer?
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A: There''s Tipp-Ex all over the screen.
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Follow-Up Q: How can you tell she came back?
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A: Ink on the Tipp-Ex.
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Q: How can you tell when a blonde is wearing pantyhose?
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A: When she farts, her ankles swell.
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Q: How do you get a one-armed blonde out of a tree?
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A: Wave to her.
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Q: How do you make a blonde laugh on Monday morning?
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A: Tell her a joke on Friday night.
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Q: If you drop a blonde and a brunette from 100 ft, which hits the ground first?
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A: The brunette, because the blonde has to ask directions on the way down.
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Q: What did the blonde get on her IQ test?
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A: Saliva.
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Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
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A: Frosted Flakes.
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Q: What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
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A: A know-it-all bitch.
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Q: What do you call an eternity?
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A: Four blondes in four cars at a four way stop.
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Q: What do you do when a blonde throws a pin at you?
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A: RUN LIKE HELL... she''s got a hand grenade in her mouth.
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Q: What do you give the blonde who has everything?
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A: Penicillin.
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Q: What does the postcard from a blonde''s vacation say?
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A: Having a wonderful time. Where am I?
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Q: What is every blonde''s ambition in life?
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A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.
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Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde''s ear?
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A: Data transfer.
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Q: What do you get when you line up 20 blondes side-by-side and blow in the first one''s ear?
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A: A wind tunnel.
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Q: What is the difference between a dead blonde in the road, and a dead skunk in the road?
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A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
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Q: What''s brown and red and black and blue?
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A: A brunette who''s told one too many blonde jokes.
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Q: What''s the difference between a pit bull and a blonde with PMS?
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A: Lipstick.
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Q: Why did the blonde snort Nutra-Sweet?
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A: She thought it was diet coke.
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Q: What is the meaning of impossible?
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A: A blonde with an IQ of 200.
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Q: How does a blonde turn on the light after sex?
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A: She opens the car door.
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Q: What is the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
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A: Introduces herself.
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Q: What did the blonde say when she saw a bowl of Cheerios?
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A: Ooh! Donut seeds!
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Q: Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
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A: She threw away all the W''s.
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Q: What did the blonde say when her boyfriend blew in her ear?
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A: "Thanks for the refill!"
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Q: How many blonde jokes are there?
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A: Only one, the rest are all true!
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Q: What do you call a smart blonde?
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A: A golden retriever.
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Q: What do you call an upside down blonde with a runny nose?
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A: Full.
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Q: What do you call a blonde that has dyed her hair brown?
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A: Artificial Intelligence
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Q: What do you call a brunette and three blondes on a street corner?
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A: Regular Price, Four bucks, Four bucks, Four bucks.
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Q: What do you get when you turn a bleach blonde upside down?
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A: A brunette with bad breath.
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Q: How do you keep a blonde in suspense?
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A: I''ll tell you tomorrow.
- A blonde walks into a bar... Ouch.
- A brunette tells a blond to go change the light bulb in the basement. A few minutes latter the blond comes back and tells the brunette that she could not do it. When the brunette asks why the blond says "because the light wouldn''t turn on".
- Two blondes sit on a park bench at night. One looks up and says, "What''s closer, the Moon or Florida?" The other one looks over and says, "Duh, can you see Florida?"
- A brunette and a blond are in the woods. Suddenly the brunette trips over a rock and sprains her ankle. She yells to the blond, "Call 911!" The blond goes away and isn''t back for a while. When the blond returns, the brunette says, "What took you so long??" The blond says, "I couldn''t find the 11 on my cell phone!"
- A blonde is jogging down the road and sees another blonde in a rowboat in the middle of a dirt field. The jogging blonde yells to the rower, "Because of stupid blondes like you, the rest of us look stupid. If I could swim, I would swim over there and kick your ass!"
- A blonde walks into a beauty shop with a pair of headphones on. She asks for a haircut. The blonde is led to a chair and asked to sit down. The woman who is about to cut the blonde''s hair asks her to take the headphones off. The blonde does, and a few minutes later she passes out. The surprised shop worker picks up the headphones and hears a little voice saying, "Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out...".
- 4,000 blondes pack the auditorium for the first annual Blondes Are Smart competition. A blonde is chosen from the audience to come on stage and answer a question to prove that blondes aren''t dumb. The emcee asks "What is 2 plus 2?" The blonde thinks for a moment and answers "Seven." The emcee shakes his head and the audience begins chanting "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" The emcee asks again, "What is 2 plus 2?" The blonde concentrates for five minutes and finally answers "Five." The emcee shakes his head and the audience begins chanting "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!" The emcee asks once again "What is 2 + 2?" The blonde screws up her face in thought, scratches her head, and finally answers "Four?" The audience begins chanting "Give her another chance..."
- A blonde walks into an appliance store and up to the shop assistant. She points to one on the shelf and said, "I''ll have that TV." The shop assistant replied, "Sorry, we don''t serve blondes." And the blonde has to walk out of the store. The next day, she then dyes her hair brown and walks back into the appliance store. Again, she goes, "I''ll have that TV." And the shop assistant replies, "Sorry, we don''t serve blondes." She walks out, once again, frustrated. She figures, now, that the shop assistant obviously recognized her face from last time, and she goes to have surgery on her face. She waits four weeks, just to be sure, before walking back into the appliance store. Once more, she says, "I''ll have that TV." And the shop assistant replies, "Sorry, we don''t serve blondes." The blonde now finally gives up and asks, "How the hell do you know I''m a blonde?!" The shop assistant replied, "Lady, that''s a microwave."
- A blonde and a brunette are walking along a road. Suddenly the brunette gasps. "Look, a dead bird!" The blonde looks up. "Where?"
- Three blonde friends are walking down the road. One finds a bottle and opens it. A genie flies out and says, "I will give you each ONE wish."
- The first says, "I want to be 100% smarter." POOF! She turns into a brunette.
- The second says, "I want to be 50% smarter." POOF! She turns into a redhead.
- Then the third says, "I want to be 100% smarter than both of my friends." POOF! She turns into a guy.
- Alternate ending: Then the third says, "I want to 100% dumber." POOF! She turns into a guy.
- A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that''s 200 miles from here!" and hung up.
- The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don''t know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."
- A blonde was driving down the freeway when she received a call on her cell phone. "Be careful", the person on the other end said, "there''s a car driving the wrong way on your road!" The blonde replied, "I know--heck, there''s HUNDREDS of them!"
- A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde decide to go for an expedition in the desert. The brunette brings water and the redhead brings food. They see the blonde coming and she is dragging something behind her. When she reaches them they see that it is a car door. They ask, "Why did you bring that?" The blonde''s reply is, "So I can roll down the window in case I get hot."
- Variation: The blonde''s reply is, "So I can roll up the window in case it starts to rain."
- A blonde in Dallas was on an airplane bound for Los Angeles. The blonde was sitting in the middle of the plane, but she decided to move to an empty first class seat. A few minutes later, the steward walked by and saw the blond. The steward said: "Ma''am, this isn''t your seat. Please go back to your seat." The blonde replied: "I don''t want to go back to my seat. This one''s more comfortable." The stewart came back with the copilot a few minutes later. She had told the copilot what had just happened. The copilot said to the blonde: "Ma''am, please go back to your seat." The blonde replied: "I don''t want to go back to my seat. This one''s more comfortable." The steward and the copilot then went to the captain. When the captain heard about the blonde, he said: "I know how to handle this." The captain walked over to the blonde. He whispered something in her ear, and then she walked back to her seat. The steward and copilot then asked the captain: "What did you say to her?" He replied: "I just told her that the first class seats will take her to New York City instead of Los Angeles."
- A blonde gets locked out of her car. She thinks what to do for a while and decides that she should find a piece of wire and catch the latch (as the window wasn ''t completely shut). She looks around and sees a gas station some 200 meters away. She rushes there and explains her situation to the brunette employee who gives her a piece of wire. The blonde rushes back to the car, followed (at a distance) by the employee who can not believe in her eyes and ears. When the later arrives at the car the blonde has already passed the wire through the window while another blonde is sitting in the car telling her: "A bit to the right, a bit to the right".
- Two blondes are sitting high on a tree branch; the one closer to the trunk is holding a saw and is busy cutting the branch. An old lady passes by and yells at them :"Be careful, you will fall !". The blondes laugh at her. The old lady leaves and after a while the blondes fall. A couple of weeks later the blondes are sitting on a bench wrapped in bandages. The old lady passes by. One of the blondes shoves the other and tells her : "Look ! The fortune teller !".
- A blonde is driving through a remote country town when suddenly her car breaks down. Distraught, she wanders down the highway until she comes to a petrol station, in which a lone attendant stands. She tells him of her situation, and asks if she can call her boyfriend to come pick her up. The attendant sees that he can take advantage of the situation, and leers suggestively at her, "Sure, but first you gotta do something for me." He leads her to the toilets at the back, drops his pants and tells her to kneel before him, saying, "Alright now, you know what to do." The blonde puts her mouth to his penis and says, "Hello?"
- Two blondes are walking in a forest, they spot a pair of tracks. One suggests they''re bear tracks, while the other says that they a fox tracks. Then they get hit by a train
