Yo Mama is sooooo fat...

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... that when she sings, it''s over.
... she was vacationing in Jamaica and her continuous farts resulted in Hurricane Katrina.
... she''s got her own area code.
... when your parents have sex, your dad says "I''m going in!"
... whenever she goes to the theatre, it''s a private screening.
... she went swimming in the Sea of Japan and came back with a harpoon stuck up her ass.
... they changed ''one size fits all'' to ''one size fits most''.
... all the chairs in the house have their own seatbelts.
... even her clothes have stretch marks!
... folks exercise by jogging around her!
... her ass has its own congressman.
... the horse on her polo shirt is real.
... her belt size is "Equator."
... her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.
... her driver''s license says, "Picture continued on other side."
... her high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
... her nickname is "DAMN!"
... I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.
... NASA is gonna use her to plug up the hole in the ozone layer.
... she broke her leg and gravy poured out!
... she deep-fries her toothpaste.
... she eats dessert out of a trash can lid.
... she fell in love and broke it!
... she fell into the Grand Canyon ... and got stuck!
... she got a new gig at the cinema ... she works as the screen.
... she got baptized at Sea World.
... she has to iron her pants on the driveway!
... she has a run in her blue-jeans!
... she has TB ... two bellies.
... she has to buy two airline tickets.
... she has to use a VCR as a beeper!
... she influences the tides.
... she jumped up in the air she got stuck!
... when she lies on the beach no one else gets sun!
... she lost a game at hide-and-seek only ''cos I spotted her ... behind Mount Everest.
... she make Jabba the Hutt look anorexic.
... she make Kiko the Whale look like a Smartie.
... she make Olympic sumo wrestlers look anorexic.
... she nearly put Safeway out of business.
... she needs a map to find her butt.
... she has more chins than a Hong Kong phonebook.
... she once went on a seafood diet... Whenever she see food, she ate it!
... she prays at Church''s Chicken.
... she puts mayonnaise on aspirin.
... she rolled over on four quarters and it made a dollar!
... she sat on a Nintendo Game Cube and it turned into 4 Game Boys.
... she sat on the beach and Greenpeace threw her in!
... she shows up on radar.
... she steps on a scale and it says, "One at a time, please".
... she used I-75 as a Slip ''N Slide.
... she uses a mattress for a Maxipad.
... she uses a paint roller to put on her lipstick.
... she was in the Daily Record last week on page 5, 6, 7, 8, and 9.
... she was measured at 38-26-36, and that was just the left arm.
... she wears an asteroid belt.
... she has more rolls than a bakery.
... she carries a refrigerator as a lunchbox.
... when she wears a Malcolm X t-shirt, helicopters try to land on her.
... she''s got more chins than a Hong Kong phone book!
... she''s on both sides of the family!
... she''s once, twice, three times a lady.
... smaller fat women orbit around her.
... stunt agencies use her as an air mattress.
... not even Bill Gates can pay for her liposuction.
... that God created her and on the seventh day rested.
... that when I tried to drive around her I ran out of gas.
... that when she goes outside in high heels, she strikes oil.
... the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs.
... the circus uses her as a trampoline.
... the only thing that''s attracted to her is gravity.
... the shadow of her ass weighs 100 pounds.
... they had to grease a door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side to get her through.
... they have to grease the bathtub to get her out!
... they use the elastic in her underwear for bungee jumping.
... when God said, "Let there be light," he told her to move her fat ass out of the way.
... when her beeper goes off, people think she''s backin up.
... when I tell her to haul ass, she gotta make four trips.
... when I yell "Hey, Kool-Aid!" she comes crashing through the wall.
... when she bends over, we enter Daylight Savings Time.
... when she dances she makes the band skip.
... when she fell over she rocked herself asleep trying to get up again.
... when she goes to the zoo the elephants throw her peanuts.
... when she opens the ''fridge it says, "I give up ..."
... when she steps on the scales it says, "To be continued..."
... when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th.
... when she told me her weight, I thought it was her phone number.
... when she was diagnosed with the flesh-eating disease the doctor gave her 13 years to live.
... when she wears a yellow raincoat people say "Taxi!"
... when she walks backwards you can hear her ass go "beep, beep, beep."
... when she steps on the scales it says, "Next axle."
... when she went for a swim in the ocean she caused a 60-foot tidal wave.
... she eats Cap''n Crunch out of a satellite dish.
... when she sits around the house, she sits around the house.
... When she walks down the street in a raincoat, all the kids say "Dang, I missed the bus!"
... she went to the movies and sat next to everybody.
... when she goes to a restaurant, they don''t give her a menu, they give her an estimate.
... when she goes to a restaurant, she just reads the menu and says "Okay!"
... her favorite food is seconds.
... she eats Wheat Thicks.
... your daddy has to roll over twice to get off of her.
... she sat on a rainbow and Skittles started pouring out.
... she wakes up in sections.
... her blood type is Ragu.
... she''s fat.
... the last time she saw 90210 was on the scale.
... burning her fat would solve the energy crisis.
... she belly flopped in the ocean and caused another tsunami.
... she played football, and her team didn''t need the offensive line anymore.
... they saw her pull up at Hometown Buffet, and they put out the "Out of Business" sign.
... she thought the Jared diet meant eating guys named Jared.
... her ass is the grand canyon.
... when she farts there''s an earthquake.
... she wakes up with her toes in china and her head in DC.
... half her ass is in one time zone and the other half is in another.
... as she was crossing the street she said "Go around." I said I would, but I only got a tank of gas.
... when she had her first crush in high school, she went to his funeral an hour later!
... if her body fat was oil, it would last the human race for years.
... when the school bus goes by, she starts running and yells "Stop that twinkie!"
... she''s orbited by smaller fat people.
... she got busted at the airport for having 200 pounds of crack.

... when she sunbathes, Greenpeace rub her with Lanolin and try to refloat her in the sea!
... when she steps onto scales, the dial shoots all the way round to "Ouch".
... talking scales scream "Jesus! One at a freaking time, please!" when she climbs on.
... when she walked in front of the TV I missed an entire season of the Simpsons.
... when she jumped into a lake all the whales came out and started singing "We are family! Even though you''re fatter than we!"
... she makes Free Willy look like a tic tac.
... when she was stranded in the middle of the ocean, the guy in the crows'' nest of a ship shouted "Land ho!"
... she weighed herself and it said to be continued
... she got into Guess jeans and the answer popped out.
... she should probably see a doctor.
... when the discussion turns to fat people, her name comes up.
... she has to shop at a store that sells "plus" sizes.
... it''s beginning to have a negative impact on her self esteem.
... she has been the subject of a "Yo mama''s so fat" joke before.
... she discounts scales as "inaccurate".
... she requires "special assistance" when boarding an airplane.
... she doesn''t like to go to the beach because she is unsatisfied with her appearance in a bathing suit.
... her Body Mass Index is higher than one might expect.
... she has become sensitive about her weight.
... I erroneously thought she was pregnant when I first met her but fortunately did not bring it up in our conversation.
... she is easily winded when climbing stairs.
... she joined a weight-loss program, but it doesn''t seem to be helping.
... she avoids appearing in photographs because she heard that the camera adds ten pounds, not realizing that this would hardly be noticed, what with her being so fat and all.
... people are reluctant to get into elevators with her.
... she might have a thyroid condition.
... she finds it challenging to touch her toes.
... she displaces a considerable amount of water when she is completely submerged.
... she believes that she is "big-boned", even though most of her is clearly not bone.
... her appearance when riding a bicycle is quite comical indeed.
... when she bathes she uses considerably more soap and water than an average person, and when she gets out she takes longer to dry herself, partly because of her greater skin area, partly because it is harder for her to manipulate a towel around her girth, but also partly because she is actively trying to avoid looking at herself in the mirror, because although she knows, deep down, that she is overweight, she is in denial and will not allow herself to visually confirm her obesity.
... she wears clothes with vertical stripes because she heard that they have a "slimming" effect.
... furniture creaks noticeably when she sits upon it.
... she is frequently mistaken for other fat people.
... she is especially uncomfortable sitting in the seats in movie theaters.
... it isn''t even funny.
... she is just fat.
... she weighs 600 pounds.
... she went to a restaurant and ate everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant

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